06May/19

Packing What’s Proper

One of the great privileges of my life is having friends that serve our great nation in the United States Military. On occasion, they will share stories of their early days in training. One of the best is how to pack a “ruck sack”.

From a civilian perspective, the “ruck” is a crucial piece of equipment. It is the piece of equipment that other major necessities for battles are transported. Packed too light, a soldier is missing essentials, too heavy, or too light then last movement to the next assignment can be detrimental to the solider and to those in his or her unit.

In the same way, so it is with you father. Packing your soul with the appropriate and essential tools, weapons and survival pieces are absolute for you and the family you lead into the future. Here’s my experience, looking back, my “ruck” – my soul, needed some serious unpacking. I am a serious over packer. Scratch. Hoarder packer.

My hoarder packer tendencies were due to several things I did not perceive at the time. Here they are in no particular order, but terribly overloading at the same time. They each in their own corruptible way caused me to focus on the wrong stuff creating blind spots, weakness, and faulty leadership with my sons. Did I slow their growth as men? God only knows. Each one of my sons are good men, each strong and successful in their own rights. I am so very proud of them. Luke, David, and Ben, I love you more than you know until you each become fathers.

I am in the process of mineralizing my hoarded distractions and weights that I will never acquire the strength, wisdom, capacities or capabilities to successfully survive or lead my family with into the future. These are the items I am discarding and destroying with the help and strength of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Lighten The Weight

  1. Fear. Raising children and leading a family is a specialty discipline. Requiring courage, strength, wisdom and power that are form the source of immeasurable depth or limit. There is absolutely no place for fear. Rid yourself of it. More in the next blog about this one.
  2. Inferiority. Do you feel inferiority ion you life or leadership? Welcome to the battle father! The greatest challenge father’s have in life is being the “tip of the spear” leading your wife and children. So, step out of feeling inferior. Never compare yourself to others. Identify you weak spots. Locate and acquire another battle hardened father that knows the necessary steps to defeat feeling inferiority. And foremost, ask for the help that only God’s Holy Spirit can instruct, give and empower. Find your identity.
  3. Intimidation. Fearing what you don’t know fused with the personal weaknesses actual or imagined, can comprise and crumble a very strong father. You are not what intimidation says that you are under pressure in the shadows. You are more than you realize yourself to see or to be in this life. #riseupbruh
  4. Reference Points. When we are fatherless, our greatest deficit would be the lack of reference points in leading self and family. Reference markers. Monuments are memorials-a place of significant life events, lessons where life skill learning sets our character, strength and ability. What we are taught and what is ingrained in the hearts determines what kind of man we will be and how we will lead. These are the lessons that shaped souls and futures. Frame work for generations to come. #makeyourown

Now, what is it in your “ruck” that you need to trash? Fear not the burn pile, for it cleanses the soul making it lighter. #crushitbruh

23Apr/19

Hoarding’s Not On Your Horizon

There are a hand full of programs who’s content has intrigued me. For example, “Hoarders”. By nature, tidiness is a struggle for me unless I go into OCD mode and am ultra tidy. So I skate between chaos and calm. That being said, I judge not the hoarder.

Hoarding disorder: is a persistent difficulty discarding or parting with possessions because of a perceived need to save them. A person with hoarding disorder experiences distress at the thought of getting rid of the items. Excessive accumulation of items, regardless of actual value, occurs.

(Feb 3, 2018, The Mayo Clinic)

Here’s the deal. We all hold on to things that will add no value to our future, destiny, or abundance in life. In fact, some of us fatherless guys tend to hang on to backpacks, suit cases and carry ons of physical, emotional and spiritual baggage that hinders us form setting sail into the future.

Now how is that we unload what we carry from years and experiences past. If we continue to compress and carry we will weight ourselves down and restrict our physical, emotional and spiritual selves for present and future. We’re going to need all the room we can create for now and the journey ahead with those we love and are responsible to see into the future.

So much of what our soul attaches to, packs up and stores away happens generally for a couple of reasons. Things that we have to hold on to and not knowing why. We have trouble identifying the stuff and trouble dealing with they’re final disposal.

The clarifiers. Who we are and what do we need for the journey. Understanding of true identity and necessary gear.

Declutter

  • identify and discard – where are you going and what do you need to get there? understanding this piece of the puzzle helps us discard the pain, emotional hurt and spiritual fatigue. Healing belongs to God, His way. Holding on junk takes up room meant for God and His plan for us all.
  • permanent disposal – if you have ever taken trash to dispose of it leaving at the disposal sight, you would never return taking part of home again. don’t keep returning to reclaim discarded pieces of your past.
  • keep a clean soul – clean souls are easier to maintain than a cluttered one. the clean spaces of our soul are where we grow and expand. we learn and grow wiser, transferring to our wives and children good things and not what inherited as fatherless boys.

Together we grow.

#purpose #identity #sonship

#clearhorizons

26Mar/19

Known and Unknown

Martin Waldseemüller. Are you aware of who he was and what he accomplished in his life? You have to hear this story. #inspiration

Martin W. was a geographer and cartographer. He was born in Radolfzell, Württemberg [Germany] in 1470 and died 1518–21? His greatest accomplishment accumulated from the years of his life in 1507.

It was perhaps one of the most ambitious projects at that time in history. This project was designed and engineered in St. Dié, near Strasbourg, France at the beginning of the sixteenth century. His task was to update and document new geographical information and knowledge derived from the discoveries from later in the fifteenth century and the early sixteenth century.

Waldseemüller’s life-defining task of rendering the most extensive and most comprehensive rendering of the world map to date in the known world at that time. Imagine exciting and exhilarating all blended into one-a was the most exciting product of his research effort, and included data gathered during Amerigo Vespucci’s voyages of 1501–1502 to the New World. Waldseemüller named the new lands “America” in recognition of Vespucci ’s understanding that a new continent had been uncovered as a result of the voyages of Columbus and other explorers in the late fifteenth century. The only known surviving copy of the first printed edition of the map, which, it is believed, consisted of 1,000 copies. 

Father, you are a discoverer of a new world. You’ve determined what you want and ideas about where. Now is the time to design the map for your journey. You are planning the route that you’ll follow with your family. It’s the most fantastic-life long journey a guy could only dream about taking.

Looking into the future can be the most exciting event in a man’s life. It is very easy to fall into the trap of remaining where we are without having a sense of adventure. The big question is this: are you stalemated due to testing the vast oceans of exploratory journeys? Living life to very fullest abundance. For most of us we believe it is the fear of the unknown. It’s not, I believe, it’s the fear of having abundance, perhaps even feeling that we are undeserving of abundance.

don’t fear the unknown

Most of us have a fear of the unknown future. It is a natural reflex when looking into the future. Fear overshadows the truth every time. Hinderer of many beautiful journeys-expeditions that determine destinies. Fear is a ruthless pirate-stealer of futures. Head up, shoulders back-move forward. All pirates can be defeated.

be fearlessly bold

Boldness is a willingness to take risks of acting innovatively. It is confidence and courage, taking action for now and the future. It requires action. #bebold

explore naming your continents

Exploring leads to new adventures and places. And remember, that your crew depends on you to lead them well to new places, experiences and new places that they would never have the opportunity to land and explore. #goforit

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#explore #expeditions #captainyourcrew

06Mar/19

Ideas Have Wings

Many friends of mine are great thinkers and brilliant men and women. Each is very creative in their entrepreneurial endeavors. There are a couple of disciplines practiced religiously. *Write down your ideas. *Any idea is in seedling form-tweak it to perfection.

“Ideas Won’t Keep. Something Must Be Done About Them.”

Alfred North Whitehead

Most of my ideas come to me in very inconvenient, unusual places. It’s probably that way for most creatives I suppose. Whether you’re creative or not, you still get ideas. They are the seeds of beginning. Most certainly, seeds of vision to move effectiviely and efficently forward into your best destiny.

Most of my ideas come to me in very inconvenient, unusual places. It’s probably that way for most creatives I suppose. Whether you’re creative or not, you still get ideas. They are the seeds of beginning. Most certainly, seeds of vision to move effectively and efficiently forward into your best destiny.

You and I must set our minds as idea predators. We seize them as nuggets of gold and silver. Chunks of life-enriching launch points fueling forward momentum. Fathers, can’t afford missing grains that will change our future trajectories. How do we consistently capture the future?

” The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from old ones.”

John Maynard Keynes

know that ideas

Simple is not easy-sweat equity required. Look ahead, plan on the ideas to spring up at any time. Watch, listen, observe, capture.

purpose yourself to record

Recording ideas can be challenging. That means to find your best tool. For me, I text myself. Then mark and unpack it later when time permits making sure time permits.

create space and place reflection

Each man processes and accumulates inspiration differently. It is essential for us each to learn our rhythms. Finding rhythms takes more sweat equity-slowing our mind, clearing our mind and allowing it to bubble up.

engineer ideas – they require tweaking

Ideas like us are not perfect, so they need work, nurturing, watering, discussion, perhaps diagraming. They only are perfected through thought and processing. That’s the way the game is played

create streams of idea stimulation

Talk with other men, read, research, gather from sources as they present themselves. Especially, spend quality time with your wife to listen to you, then ask her questions, clarifying together as you go.

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#seedgatherer #tweak #protectthegold #engineer

photo cred: http://visualblueridge.com


03Mar/19

​Time to Decide – What’a You Want?​

Remember the most difficult question that you’ve ever been asked? The one that made you think hard and long. Still with a little more struggle you couldn’t answer with clarity or being sure of yourself.

What is that you really want?

FatherSeekers

That is one of the most mind rattling-soul piercing questions posed to a man. There’s a handful of why’s. Here are some observations I understand with myself and learning alongside others. Indecision, tension, and frustration create the static void that can paralyze, sometimes for years. The indecison is a “tell.”

In poker, it would be called “the tell.” Life is not a poker game. Play well, play conservative, play wise.

Tell #1

“What we want tells about our identity.” What I want or what I pursue determines my strength or my weakness. That’s the thing(s) I search after as a caveman searches for prey. Is there life-giving value to what I seek after? Is it a necessary part of your life’s mission?

Tell # 2

“What we want tells whether we are solid or hollow.” There is nothing more loud-ringing than a man’s hollow soul. By default, in the soul of man exists horrible dark shadows. Hiding there, a vacuum of sorts that draws in all the destructive passions in a guys heart. They find their oxygen there. Solid souls, on the other hand, are filled with purpose and identity. Solid soul or hollow? Truth brings to light, light dispells shadows.

Tell # 3

“What we want tells how our life will end.” Men, fatherless men, fight the battle of worth and significance until security with their true identity is fixed. If never established, the war will last a lifetime. At the end of a man’s life, the worst torment will happen. Regretting all that he was not, and unable to do, where and how he fell short in all things. Knowing oneself, and what his design to be will determine a fully abundant joy is leaving this life for the next. Choose to finish well. Engineer it now.

Tell #4

“What we want tells how much we value our family.” Have you ever inventoried the value you place on your wife and children? It’s the value of not just how much they mean to you. But, their value as a gift from God. The true mark of this valuation system is told by how well we steward our own life and theirs, as a husband, father, and shepherd of their lives, destinies and futures. Are you living for yourself? Are your living a God’s good steward of their lives, destinies, and futures?

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#whatsyourtell #stewardlikeabeast #knowwhatawant

01Mar/19

Recognizing Your Child’s Future

Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents],
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 Amplified Bible (AMP)

Remember the birthday of your first child? The moment you first saw that little one as a nurse brought him or her to hold for the first time? The air full with ‘new baby smell’ baby shampoo and lotion floating upward from the warm bundle you held in your arms. And like the new baby smell filling the air joy, excitement, overwhelming love for your new baby and wife filled your heart.

Then the planning begins — only the very best for your child. Then the questions start to bubble up to surface. Then the wonder begins. Can I be a good dad? Is my house big enough? Do we possess the right stuffto he lp this child grow strong, successful helping them become the very best? With thousands of other questions flowing at light speed through your mind, you drift off to sleep with your priceless bundled treasure in your arms.

Along with all pressures recognizing what your baby is designed to be in the coming years. Fatherless dads want a better life for their children than they experienced. Wanting for them all the things, opportunities, and privileges we didn’t have so that our children will not have to walk through life shorted. What happens then?

Generally, we begin to function in this case as a new father from fear. Of what? The lack of knowledge of practice and skill set. Lack of enough. Lack of control over our kids. Here’s the truth. It happens much more often than not — the particular side effect of fatherlessness. Fear steals the peaceful leadership of our homes creating tensely unreasonable boundaries. Children tend to respond in a couple of ways.

Either rebellious or nervous kids cycling back into more fear for them and us. Fear creates an unhealthy atmosphere for you and your family. Lack creates lack. Where fear exists peace is absent. It robs peace from your mind and heart. Stealing the ability to recognize the design of your children, what God wired them to be and do with the future.

Seeing Your Child’s Future

  1. Pray for Godly wisdom and insight. A father’s insight and wisdom are limited. God’s wisdom and insight, however, is unlimited. He sees the beginning from the end. That means the future.
  2. Find Godly peace. This kind of peace comes from three disciplines. Praying, reading the Bible, space to meditate on what you read and pray.
  3. Learn to watch patiently. Study your children. Learn the way they think, process, respond to reasoning, emotions. And especially, what they are gifted, talented and have natural abilities – music, the arts, technology, dance, business, public speaking, teaching, aerospace technology, marketing, and the list goes on. Maybe they will do something different than has ever been done before.
  4. Guard your heart. Remain pure. Make sure to keep out intimidation, insecurity, inferiority, and fear. Here’s how. Pray, read scripture, meditate. Listen, obey, trust. Fill your heart with the love of Christ.
  5. Love your wife closely. Make your wife your greatest ally. Love her unconditionally, without measure, forgive and trust her counsel. Three words to make your message strong and lasting: kindness, forgiveness, and consistency.

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#recognizetheirgifts #trainup

#kindness #forgiveness #consistency

23Feb/19

What’s First Place?

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to walk through a discipleship weekend. Will Mancini designs it. One of the processes of the weekend directs a review of your past. WillMancini.com

Will shows a process of “Three Life Drifts”. Picture a triangle. I am starting with the left base angle, ambition, approval, appetite.

Ambition drives me to accomplish. What I don’t accomplish I feel guilt over. Approval drives me to be something that I am not nor designed to be. What I don’t accomplish I feel shame over. Appetite drives me to have. What I don’t have causes me fear.

1 John 2:16  For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father,
but are from this world.

Men are driven to perform for the win. This drive determines daily routines, belief systems, values, treatment of people, even and most importantly our identity. It’s the “man thing to do” says the culture. Yet, in the heart of every FatherSeeker resides a paradox: doing verses being a man.

“Many fathers perform for identity instead of living from their identity.”

barry@fatherseekers

What does first place mean? Determination time now. Here’s the reason why we understand that first place captures and directs our hearts for better or worse. Fatherless guys are traditionally not affirmed by their fathers. Because of a boy’s intricately woven soul-design, specific demands require a father’s attention, approval, and affirmation. When this element of a boys heart isn’t attended to correctly, voids appear growing deeper and broader as he grows into a man. Then, tranferance to our kids, by intent ofr default.

Try understanding it this way. Weaknesses never conquered that we fall into over and over again generally originated in boyhood. Here’s the dilemma, many of us never figure this out until later in life and many of the ditches we pop in and out of detract, detour and even derail us for much of our lives. Is it dad’s fault? Can we blame him? No. He had a responsibility he failed in for whatever reason. Forgive and honor him with the help of your Father in Heaven.

Now we know, and it’s our responsibility to make the necessary corrections in our lives that are most necessary. The changes will help us understand God’s design for our lives.

Start the recalibration of your life with these simple questions.

  1. What’s first place-important to you?
  2. What is your identity found in accomplishment, approval, or appetite?

Fathers, our identity is found in the Lord Jesus Christ. We take on His identity, and in so doing, we are not subject to the pitfalls of the “Three Life Drifts.”  Rebuild the balance of your life leaning into your complete identity being found in the person of Jesus Christ.

#stopdrifting #identityinjesus

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

21Feb/19

Identify What You Value

The Struggle Is Real

I have had my share of an eye to eye-across the table meetings with men who struggle to identify what they believe to be important. At the very least, identifying the code of conduct by which they live, think and pattern their lives after. Here’s the choke point. Core values hold us to a steady and straightforward path, living well, living healthy, living pure and true.

Men, strong courageous and wise, make life’s decisions by their core values, the moral code, by which they live deciding the issues of their lives. 

FatherSeekers

“He is like a tree planted by flowing streams;
it yields its fruit at the proper time,
and its leaves never fall off.
He succeeds in everything he attempts.”  Psalm 1:3,4

Living life without CVs is like building your families dream home on a sandy beach instead of on a hillside of firm ground underpinned by solid stone wedged deep into the earth. Sound foolish? That’s the equivalent to living with no CVs. So then, there are four options: ‘go with the flow,’ ‘go against the grain,’ ‘fly by the seat of your pants,’ “develop your CVs and live them out.’

Go with the flow.

Years ago, I along with my family, had the privilege to conduct youth camps in the mountains of western North Carolina. So the highlight activity was white water rafting down the Nantahala River. There were rapids in the river. Just enough to make you think that you are going to make the navigation just fine with no conflict. Then, suddenly, rapids that completely upset confidence and calm of the raft you captain. Life is full of unexpected repids. CVs are the strong navigational skills and strategies we must have to succeed.

Go against the grain.

Men, we face life one of two ways. We have the proper knowledge to proceed well with success.  Or we experience the loss of making bad decisions. The difference is this. Cvs create filtering system of wisdom and knowledge predetermining future choices.

Fly by the seat of your pants.

At Disney, there is a ride called “The Rockin’ Roller Coaster.” It features the music of Aerosmith. In 2.8 seconds, 0-57 mph. Not being prepared for extreme acceleration will rattle a guys teeth and shake up his bone bag. That’s a quick take off and that’s what by the seat of your pants means. It’s sometimes fun but unexpected; it will mess with you.

The How-To’s For Lining Out CVs

  1. Make space in your schedule. You have to start somewhere. Carve out some time and begin processing what’s important to you, the things that you believe to be important that will form your life and your families.
  2. Find an uninterruptable place. Most of the time it is impossible for a husband and father to find uninterruptable space. You might have to hide out somewhere. We can hear God and our heart better in quiet places focusing with no interruption.
  3. Gather your recording stuff. However, you record, journaling, digital, legal pad matters not. Get what you’re comfortable with and then begin to record what comes to you and fine tune and distill.
  4. First blink. What’re your most important values that guide your life? Record what first comes to mind. Distill and refine later. Trust the process.
  5. Pick 5-7. In the initial process, write as many and as much as you can. As you refine and distill, narrow down to five to seven. Keep your process simple and minimal. It’s a process and takes time broken up in different sessions.

This is the time to be who you are, embrace and enjoy it.

Here is a suggested jump start list from PsychologyToday.com  

Authenticity,  Adventure, Balance, Bravery, Compassion, Challenge, Citizenship, Community, Creativity, Curiosity, Determination, Fairness, Freedom, Friendships, Fun, Generosity, Growth, Honesty, Influence,            Justice, Kindness, Knowledge, Leadership, Learning, Love, Loyalty, Openness, Optimism, Recognition, Respect, Responsibility, Security, Self-Respect, Social-Connection, Spirituality, Stability, Status, Wealth, Wisdom

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#corevalues #livestrong #livesure #livepure

14Feb/19

Valentine’s Day

“He existed in the beginning with God.” John 1:2

New English Translation, John the Apostle

A personal practice enjoyable for me is reading history. Lots to learn from reading history, researching facts, confirming what was actual, is now believed, and the arrival at the points which culture now believes and practices.

There is nothing better than romantically celebrating love. It is the most magnificent of all celebrations. Probably, for most of us, that would be true. That’s why February 14th is such a big deal for many cultures around the world. Washing it down to cleanest form, we all want true love. Celebrating it is an announcement to all the rest of the world that we possess the greatest of all gifts and it is that of love with another.

So, depending on your understanding of history concerning “Valentine’s Day” (actual, believed, practiced), you might, if you haven’t already read up on it on the 15th. Never stop pursuing love with your beauty wife.

Back to the lead quote. As I learn more about Jesus, Biblical, historical and the traditional (Judeo Christian) tradition the more He becomes love to me in the purest form. He is the central focus of love in your life for yourself, your wife and children. He is love from the beginning with no end, ever.

Jesus was with His Father, in the beginning, knowing me, you and all of humanity from then until the end of time as we know it. Now, this is love; He loved me, you, and all the people He and His Father created. That’s love. And that love is the love that must flow through you to your wife and your children. Be that love to your wife and your children.

#fatherseekers #belove #celebratelove

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#rememberthefatherless


24Jan/19

Importance of Core Values

What do you believe and why do you believe it?

Everything begins somewhere, right? Lots of fatherless men struggle with just starting somewhere held up by indecision. A beginning point. Why? Because we are void of reference points to learn from and build upon. RPs are like trail markers or road signs. They point to certain times or places where fathers teach legacy, heritage, and manhood. Manhood begins in boyhood.

One of my favorite movie trilogies is the Indiana Jones set. My top pick of the trilogy is “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” (1989). Fast forward; Indy is navigating his “Leap from the Lions Head.’ There between the great crevasse laid the resting place of the Holy Grail. The movie plot goes this way. Seeking the cup Jesus Christ drank from last with His Disciples is the ultimate treasure. So when drinking from the fountain of eternal life with the proper chalice, one would have it, eternal life, the true fountain of youth. “Choose wisely” otherwise; you will die.

“Core Values are the Holy Grail.”

FatherSeekers

As men, in the lives we lead as fatherless fathers, we have to have a holy grail, that set of guiding principles setting us apart. The filters that all of self, family, life, friends, vocation, and future is determined. We all want clarity and confidence going into the future. This tool provides the surefootedness missed in the transfer a good father would have imparted when we were boys.

There is a “Lions Head” we all must face as FatherSeekers. Here it is; committing to the creation and embracing of CVs we choose to engineer and navigate our lives. For our life-decisions based on these CVs affect the destiny of many people now and future generations that follow us. You are a patriarch leading many. So we set in order our lives so we may lead others well. Grab your fedora, lion trainer whip and throw some gravel: leap bruh, it’s your time.

This is why…

  1. Living by a code. When men live by a code, their past does not dictate the way they live their future. A fatherless guy tends to live in the static resistance of indecision because of the absence of reference points where manhood was transferred and imparted “father.”
  2. Transferring and Imparting. Who and what we are as men transfer to those we love and lead. Those who look to us absorb who we are, and in turn, they respond accordingly. Imparting love, wisdom, and strength (and so many other father things) seeds the soul of our followers that will bear future fruit. Ensure great fruit – CVs.
  3. Decisive-True-Sure. Being decisive is an art. People admire decisiveness when administered well. But there is something about a man who can do so with truth and surety.
  4. Affirmed and Assured. Fatherless men each and everyone crave affirmation. Why? Because our fathers were the ones designed by God to tell us we are loved, accepted by them and that all is well; telling us I will be with you buddy, never leaving you alone to do life on your own. That’s affirmed and assured.
  5. Confidence. It’s having a firm trust in yourself, your abilities, wisdom, and the ability to lead and communicate. This is the distinct ability

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#fedorawhipandgravel #ileapfromlionsheads  #gravelthrowers

20Jan/19

Core Values

 My friend is an Army Black Hawk pilot. We have been close friends for almost twenty years. He has deposited more wisdom into my life than I can recount. At our first meeting, he was Captain. Now, a Colonel. No weak man at all. He is a warrior of warriors, a man’s man.

One of the wisdom pieces I learned from him was “azimuth check.” A civilian’s definition is as follows, overly simplified: azimuth check is the process of confirming that you remain on course throughout the journey. 

This is a more clarifying explanation from my friend, pilot, Colonel, and hero.

“The azimuth check is the process of confirming that you remain on course throughout the journey. Nothing worse than believing you are on course, but as a result of failing to check your azimuth you never reach your intended destination. It’s amazing that only a few degrees off over a long journey can significantly change where you end up. I think too often we azimuth check looking back. Looking back is important, but the azimuth check is really about where you are going. Not where you have been.”

“Azimuth check” to FatherSeekers is Core Values.

Here are some clarifying questions for knowing and living life through your Core Values. Real-life-fathers live for this stuff. Why? Tedious and treacherous terrain of Dadhood is made clear and the work easily understood and tasked. Clarity for decision making becomes the norm instead of the frustration and stress of not knowing. And then, we add value to our lives and to every life we touch. How? We walk with confidence, affirmed and sure. That is what our families need. That is what other FatherSeekers need to see lived out. Fatherseekers need reference points.

Core Value Clarifiers

  1. Do you have Core Values you live by each day? (yes or no) I will talk about yes later. So, no you don’t. Probably nobody has ever challenged you in this area. Moving forward let’s get you started. Move to 3. in the list. Youre officially challenged.
  2. If so, what are they? Keeping track is best. Journaling captures your thoughts, failures, shortfalls, and most certainly, successes. All so very important because they lead you to transformation. Transformation through forwarding, upward growth. Whatever your charting system, do it. Stay balanced, focused on checking your horizons as you go.
  3. If not – Here is how you start. Starting is not as difficult as some would tell you. – Determine to journal // – the first blink, that is what first comes to mind // – write it down then think about your first blink, process, fine tune, rephrase it to the best of your skill, experience, and knowledge (it’s about a starting point – just start somewhere) // don’t try to be perfect out of the gate because you cant. Its alright friend, it’s alright. Go forward.
  4. If so – do you recalibrate regularly? Calibration is an essential part of revisiting what needs adjustments. Adjustments are a sign of growth, not a failure. They are a sign of affirmation that you are doing well. Allow your values to breathe and grow with your wisdom from experience.
  5. Are you mastering your CVs? As your Core Values become of part of your life through daily rhythms, they then become second nature to you. As you grow into them, CVs transform your life and influence the lives of others. Crush this!

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#azimuthcheck #corevalues

08Jan/19

Be Your Best

Sidrit Skender Vaqari. He is a wood carver. Born in Tirana,  Albania in 1982,  Sidrit studied sculpture at the fine arts academy there.  He has sculpted wood for 18 years. An artisan if ever there was one. Using briarwood, he creates incredibly accurate and precisely mirrored images of movie characters and other famous people that we all would easily recognize. He loves his art or pipemaking. He is an artisan. Sidrit spends 250 hours shaping a piece of briarwood into a masterful work of art.

Reading about leadership is one of my favorite things. But I love talking with leaders concerning their acquisition of leader-skills. So acquiring real-father-life leader-skills should be a top priority for fatherless dads. Why? We have absence and void of reference points: the roadmap and markers for knowing, doing, leading and living well as a good father.

“You don’t know what’s you don’t know.”

True it is. We each learn from experience, teaching, coaching and “watching” or mentored. Being mentored is much the same as being an “apprentice to a master artisan.”  “Watch me and learn.” “I show you, my hand leading yours.” “You do what I’ve taught you, and I watch you.”

Fatherless-fathers didn’t have that opportunity and privilege in the very formative years as a boy, young man, and then a father. Practice over time makes us stable and sure. So now, we play catch up. Mistakes along the way learn, experiencing and watching as we move through the fathering journey. Never give up. Keep learning.

Be Your Best

  1. Be honest by being with yourself about yourself. If we are not honest with ourselves, we deceive ourselves. Creating a false identity that requires us to live into a person we are not.
  2. Embrace the truth. If we never embrace the truth about ourselves, we will never become the champion God designed and created us to grow. We will never reach our most significant and best potential until we live into our skin, our identity.
  3. Pretenders never enjoy their victories. Living into our own identity allows us the opportunity for winning and enjoying our accomplishments. Copying another person’s life has no worth for anyone. Lean into God’s design for you.
  4. Learn from failure. We will make mistakes. Grow from your experiences good or not. John Maxwell says to “fail forward.”
  5. Find and recruit a mentor. One of the greatest things we can do as fatherless fathers are to seek out wise men who are trustworthy and faithful. Here’s a key, they will be men of faith.
  6. Make learning a daily discipline. Gain helpful knowledge for the areas you need to grow into.

For more about Sidrit Skender Vaqari check here.

#Purpose #Idenetity #Sonship

#beyourbest #grow #knowledgeandexperiance

08Jan/19

Decision Hesitation

Most decisions fathers make are big ones — a minimal margin of error. They carry the weight that affects other people. And most of all, your decision-making capital with family, friends, and colleagues. There is a secret that we father have to embrace. Experience breeds knowledge, knowledge wisdom, and consistent wisdom wins. Give yourself permission to fail. It will happen, so learn from it.

What causes hesitation when deciding?

Kathy Caprino is a Senior Contributor for Forbes. She shares “The Top Five Reasons Your Decisions Fail You” 

1)  Don’t support your intrinsic values  Lesson: Without exception, align your decisions with your values — honor what you hold dear, what you know to be true, and your highest standards of integrity.

2)  Are communicated poorly or without proper reflection LessonA decision is only as good or positive as the way in which it’s shared and communicated.

3)  Come from a place of weakness and disempowerment Lesson: If you run away from something (which is a decision, whether you know it or not) or when you choose to act from a sense of fear, powerlessness, or victimization, you’ll find that the decision you’ve made won’t resolve the problem — the same challenges will reappear in your next situation.

4)  Haven’t been properly vetted – they don’t factor in well enough the potential impact and outcomes  Lesson: Develop sufficient boundaries so that you’re not being overly reactive, emotional or analytical in your decision making.  Use an integrative style that incorporates as much feedback and data possible, and allows you to brainstorm all possible solutions, and vet them in an effective, integrative way.

5)  Are focused on the wrong problemLesson: When you know you have to make a change, make sure you identify the deepest root of the problem, and address that.  Get help to do that if need it.  Don’t take the easy way out of the decision-making process by bypassing the most critical issues and problems you need to resolve.

Decisions are fundamental tools that help you face life’s challenges, uncertainties and opportunities.   And the quality and efficacy of your decisions will determine how successful, fulfilled and productive you’ll be.  Take the time now to explore and improve your decision-making process so you that can make better decisions that honor who you are and what you really want.

Review

  • base your decisions on your values
  • communicate well with proper reflection
  • decide from a position of strength and empowerment
  • well vetted, well reflected
  • identify the correct problem

#Purpose #Identity #Sonship

#decidestrong #decideempowered

#rememberthefatherless

08Jan/19

What’s Important To You?

Whatever is important to us will lead or pull us into the future.

Those things, people, places, dreams, desires, all will take us into the future. Belief blended with importance on a person, place, thing or desire has impressive power. That power will lead us to greatness or pull us eventually to destinations undesired.

The real question then would be what do we believe to be important? What and who are those people, places and things and desires do we consider to be the most important in our life?

Recalibrating what believe to be important and focus our time. talent and treasures on usually tend to dictate our thinking, emotipns and decesion making skills.

Take a moment here. Perhaps a couple of minutes or so on each. Our minds tend to run fast and quick-let your mind breath a little on this one. First thought, first blink. What are the top four most pieces of your life? Those things you believe in most? Breaking them down like this will help.

The four pieces you beleive to be most important.

  • people
  • places
  • things
  • desires

While processing these life elements simply ask God the Father to give you wisdom. “James 1:6 (ESV)But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” 

Nothing is built or established overnight or even in a day. Real-father-life is a process no matter what I duties at hand are, life is a process. Trust the process centering Jesus in every part, every element.

Review

  • know what is important to you and why
  • recalibrate well
  • prepared / patient / persistant
  • ask God to give you wisdom
  • trust the process
  • center up your life on Jesus Christ
31Dec/18

2019 New Year

Well, its on!!

So, what have you promised yourself or someone else that you will or won’t do in the New Year? Resolutions? New habits for initiating needed change?


Simplify fathers. Stop creating more pressures for yourselves and your families. Join me in a different approach to creative and redemptive change. Not just for you, but your wife and children as well. We change for us. We change for them.

Let’s Do The “No More” Together

  • resolutions make recalibrations
  • regrets record lessons learned
  • planning from the past plan towards the future
  • carrying over baggage start with empty backpacks (you and others)
  • record keeping carry over all new fresh starts (you and others)
  • unbelief believe God is for you and dreams big about you

FatherSeeker, God’s richest and best blessings, more than you can imagine, ask for or comprehend to you and your family in this New Year.

Barry – FatherSeekers