“We know what we are, but not what we may be.” William Shakespeare
“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Oscar Wilde
“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.” Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man
Understanding our identity will either make us extremely strong or extremely weak. Identity makes us who we are and who we will become. Growing up fatherless creates identity void. It reduces capacity to become a healthy, life producing man.
The identity capacity of a fatherless guy is diminished by default. So, the capabilities of a fatherless guy are affected emotions, characteristics and character beliefs, abilities, traits, roles, behavior and the list goes on.
All the elements of our identities affect every part of our lives whether our families, and in all other relationships we are involved in day to day. Identity determines our wholeness factor and that makes a difference in every element of our lives.
What’s the process to regaining a healthy identity?
Here’s what we must recognize and acknowledge; voids created by fatherlessness exists partially because we have no reference point-no example of father or dad to imitate and then innovate in our own lives with our families. And of course there is no father-mentoring relationship imparted by having a dad involved in our lives as boys that had the desire and capabilities to love, lead and develop us as men. These are the responsibilities of a good father.
Every great leader has had a mentor or coach the invested and transferred the jump start to be a leader. Great leaders are always looking to develop other leaders. So searching out an experienced father to help you develop a reference point for being a good father is a start. If we don’t have a starting point / reference point, then chances are we will never beign the FatherSeekers journey. That equals struggle and disappointment and failure. No start means no journey.
So it’s very important to consider finding a mentor. A father-dad mentor-coach. Most of us have a difficult time asking for help. It means we are confirming that we have deficits in leading as a father, dad and husband. We all need a coach when we don’t understand how to play the game. It’s alright to have mixed emotions and reservations but it’s a must do action. Set your mind to it and move forward. In my case, I was just too proud.
Recognizing my weaknesses and failures I got desperate I ask two men at different times who were great successful Father’s and dad’s. At the time of my asking both were unable to participate. That stung a little. I kept going though. Dont give up. You will find someone who is qualified.
Now. Identity. It’s the make or break element in your life as a father/dad for fulfilling your positions as father and dad. Why? Because you transfer identity to your children. Your identity affects the quality and the success of your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and on to generations that follow. No pressure…. you can do this….its possible……..start the FatherSeekers journey!
6 Steps – The Basics
- Fatherless men have a Father. Fatherless guys do have a father. You see, we’ve been adopted by God. Although we did not have an earthly father, we do have a heavenly Father. Lean in to the challenge of believing. (1***)
- I must become a son – sonship. The very first thing fatherlessness steals is sonship. Sonship is the relationship between a father and a son. To be able to understand “Father” you must first be a son. Learning relationship is a life long journey. Begin today. (2***)
- Fellowship creates relationship. Fatherless guys struggle with being a son. Matter of fact, we desire the upside of having a father and then push against the responsibilities of the relationship. The reason for the push back-we’ve never experienced a legitimate loving relationship with their dad. (3***)
- Relationship fills the father-hunger- void. Simply, father hunger is the absence of a father’s love in the life of a son or daughter. This includes the whole life of a son or daughter. Each of us was designed to have a loving relationship with our father. That was God’s original plan.
- Obedient sons make the best fathers. A fatherless guys develops an independent-loaner spirit over time. Usually, they march to their own drum beat regardless of its dysfunction. Changing behavior to follow another’s plan is challenging. It’s habit breaking, its cycle breaking.
- Spiritual fathers. A spiritual father is a well qualified, experienced father. Generally, an empty nesters (no kids at home) and especially a wise man. There is something special about these guys, you just want to be around them. They’ve been successful with their own family and have good kids. He’s a dad coach that loves God, he may not be a perfect example, but he’s a living one. Don’t be hesitant about asking for help. (6***)
1.***Ephesians 1:5 AMPC “For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]–”
1.***Psalms 68:5 NET “He is a father to the fatherless and an advocate for widows. God rules from his holy palace.
2.***Galatians 4:6 AMPC “And because you [really] are [His] sons, God has sent the [Holy] Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, Abba (Daddy)! Father!”
3*** Galatians 3:26 AMPC “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith.”
6*** 1 Corinthians 4:15 “After all, though you should have ten thousand teachers (guides to direct you) in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the glad tidings (the Gospel).”
If you would like a virtual “spiritual father” connect with Beechard Moorefield at https://www.facebook.com/beechard.moorefield