Defeating the Dragon of Fatherlessness
Before a man can be a good father, he first must be a good son. FatherSeekers
When a man grows up fatherless, he, most certainly had strikes against him. None of his own doing, responsible for or even deserved. Naturally, that was the family and the circumstances into which he was born.
Let’s laser focus. One of my mentors, Chad Pullins, taught me one of the most valuable lessons in being a good father. Apprenticeship. Being an apprentice is learning a particular skill set from another who has already learned those same skills passed on to them by another. So much so, the master can teach the student, just as another taught him. That’s what fatherhood is, a loving master teaches the student in an individual craft. The craft is fatherhood. Being a good father starts as a child and son. This is a natural way, teaching, training, correcting, discipline in proper ways and means of learning, guiding and mentoring all along the way. Part of being a boy is being immersed into manhood and then fatherhood. This is where it all starts. Reference points.
Immersion is a valuable coin. One side is, learning the ways, means, values, personalities and processes of being a boy and then a man. The other side of the coin is the process part. Mike Breen’s book, Building a Discipleship Culture reveals the four steps to apprenticeship. Personally, these tiers of development bring great clarity to parenting even as an empty nester. These steps transfer well into the role of being a good father.
* I do, you watch. As a master, one who continues to broaden and deepen their fatherhood skill set, fathers exemplify, love, kindness, tenderness, guidance, and explanation of the what, when, why, how much and what for concepts. Introducing skills and maintaining these as disciplines transforming, over time, boys into men, and then into fathers.
* I do, you help. As the master guides the hand of the apprentice learning what it takes to be a boy, man and father, learning discipline, order, and processes. Allowing mistakes, repairing the messed up, affirming growth, forward movement, and desire to learn more.
* You do, I help. Now the apprentice gets the opportunity to do what he has seen, exemplified and experienced. The master guides with lessons learned, from words and situations from past times. Giving the freedom for the apprentice to sit in the pilots set, taking the controls alone, while the co-pilot watches, continuing to mentor and coach the freedom of flight, power, taking off and landing. Flying by the flight plan.
* You do, I watch. Apprentice, free to operate, alone, still in control of the tower, tests his limits slowly and safely remembering all that he has learned, exercising the disciplines learned from the master.
5 Way Effects to Defeat Fatherlessness
1. Reference points. “-something that is used to judge or understand something else; the absence of a place or time to refer to.” It is the place where one learns by observation, immersion in the experience of fatherhood. Seeing in real time the love of a father in real time operating in the lives of his family. Here is the place that love is learned, the core values established, the character made, and core navigational skills learned and initiated into practice. You can see the void created without fatherhood reference points.
2. First-hand mentorship or coaching. Fathers carry many responsibilities in their lives. One of the primaries is the mentorship-coaching element. Mentorship is the introductions of the how to’s and what for’s. Coaching is the knowing the tools of manhood, fatherhood, and husband. Then, learning how to maintain and keep sharp the skills and tools required to be a man, a father, and a husband.
3. Father hunger fulfilled. Each human being has woven into their DNA hunger for father. It is an inevitable fact a father void in a child’s ‘life creates a natural vacuum drawing any form of fulfillment available in culture, peer group or pervasions. Initially, the immediate problem is that our children only feel the effects of the hunger not knowing that father absence creates the void and vacuum.
4. Sow seeds in fatherless fields. Our first priority as fathers are first, the children God has given us. However, our kids have friends. Most certainly, more than sixty percent or more are fatherless in some form or fashion. Here’s how you control your children’s exposure to the peer group, be the dad all the kid’s love. Not because of cultural ignorance or leniency, nor the one you allows free for alls. But you are the dad who loves all, rules his castle with firmness, accountability and in humility with love and through love. #bethatguy
5. All good fathers have a gravitational pull. Gravity is such a dominant force in the universe. Good fathers have a seriousness about themselves. Hopefully, we have some gravity left over for the friends of our children. Many of them are probably fatherless. Even more so, most of them have dads who grew up fatherless. Not only can you sow seeds in fatherless fields with the additional opportunity to maybe coach and mentor fatherless dads. #bethatguy
#bethatguy #dragonslayer #gravitationalfather