19May/18

Road Map To Discipline ​

 

Discipline transitions us from present existence to a completely different new creature. Weaknesses, frustrations, inconsistencies and lackluster fall away. Power, strength, and purpose emerge simultaneously with rocket force intensity. “

When we look in the mirror in the morning we see one of two guys; that guy is incredible, or who is that guy and how can I get rid of him?! Now the funny thing is how we come to a conclusion, and usually, it’s dependent upon the day we experienced before.  What is the equalizer? Is there an element that brings balance to the love-hate relationship? Yep. It’s discipline.  

Now, unless we are extremely well adjusted and came from the perfect two-parent home…….(i hope you’re laughing because there are none), we face the imbalance each new day between the two poles.   So, here’s the deal. We are all messed up in some way or another, and we need balance.  We all need discipline. It is the truth serum and the equalizer between the two guys in the mirror.  

Static Tension. ST has a strong, forceful gravitational pull that is deadly. Why? Because the pull makes us stay the same mediocre or failed state we presently exist within. Growth is stalemated, and we become prisoners of lackluster (great word). When we are unclear regarding knowledge of our life’s ultimate contribution, the direction is misunderstood, then down the toilet goes our purpose swirling with our identity.  

Break Out and Away. For a spacecraft to break free of gravity, it first must go fast enough to break out of the static tension’s hold.  For a ship that is already in orbit, thrusters would be fired to generate enough speed to break free of gravity continuing further and further away from gravitational pull until our new destination is reached.

How do we move beyond the frustration of past failures and anxiety of remaining the same but wanting more for ourselves and our families? We have to break out of the orbit we’re presently in and move to the place where we live a fulfilling and productive life. The one element in life that makes all this possible is discipline. Through discipline, we become healthy, determined men that live productive lives and lead our families to do the same.

Four Levels of Discipline 

  1. Initiative. Assess where you are with clarity and honesty. These are musts. After you have made your own assessment, involve another trusted person who will tell you the truth and not sugar coat. This is foundational. Otherwise, we launch in a direction that only deceives us and pushes us off course.
  2. Application. Take your assessments and make the necessary adjustments. Set goals in measurable, sustainable steps making steady, sure movements. There are no giant steps to be made. Foundations are built before the walls and the roof. Every step is necessary for reaching the ultimate goal.
  3. Action. Assessments, goals, steps and now action. Heres, where the determination to move past the pain just after the new has worn off of the startup. Keep going, remembering that speed is not the idea but steady, forward movement with the application. This is the place where momentum starts. Continue building momentum because as it grows, you become stronger and more confident.
  4. Consistency. Conform to the application. Be steadfast. Adhere to the principles that complete your purposes for growth. Carry through, even in difficulties. Through difficulties, we grow stronger, more courageous and confident.
05May/18

Caution, Risk and Return

All of us want to avoid danger. There is no doubt, that is the better part of wisdom and valor. And most men want to avoid mistakes or failure. Clearly, we will never avoid mistakes or failures in life and we will encounter danger on occasion. The headliner, we have to embrace this knowledge that these challenges will come. Predetermined responses to these challenges help reduce the risk of mistakes and failure and the avoidance of danger in all forms.

Caution is the care given to avoid danger or mistakes. The pinch point for us then is how we decide and how we move forward. We don’t always have the luxury of processing or strategizing with a trusted advisor. Readiness is so very crucial for good decision-making.

How do we apply caution in the decisions we make while                                           leading as husband and father? 

Caution has its roots in one of two places, fear or wisdom. Fear paralyzes, creates doubt, and is the catalyst for bad or rushed decisions.  Fear steals confidence, courage, and being sure in our office as a husband, father, and leader. Wisdom coupled with experience empowers us, strengthens our resolve and bolsters confidence and surety,  courage and boldness to decide well and move forward confidently.

Risk and return are the additional elements that complete the equation of deciding well.    Risk and return are investment terms. The uncertainty of the investment, or risks, are associated with the potential returns.  Risk and return tradeoffs can increase the value and bring higher profits as long as the investor is willing to accept the loss. Nobody wants a loss.

Decision-making road work makes us better men for the journey and wiser in our experience. In the long run, our relationships with our family improve with each decision and the benefits they bring in return. You’re the man, you can do this thing…….. #crushit

  1. Decisions are investments.  Every decision has a return. Some returns will be better than others. Regardless, make the best from each one and be intentional about growing from the experience.
  2. Pressure is a friend. Make pressure work for you and not against you.  Manipulate pressure to our advantage. Pressure is a back door to fear, doubt, mental stress and a robber of courage and confidence. Pressure is the challenge to perform well in the present situation making you and me better every step of the way.
  3. Experience brings wisdom. We learn from every experience in decision-making. Every outcome of every decision will bring wisdom. Wisdom is the source of your greatness. By the way, who and what you are transferring to your family. Be wisdom.
  4. Find wisdom. Use every source of wisdom you can find. Men who have strong families; research; utilize your community of faith. Grandfathers are amazing sources of wisdom and coaches as well. Most importantly, God (Jehovah) Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the Lord (God, Jehovah) is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
  5. Make profitable decisions. Humility, honesty, integrity, and purity will endear you to your wife and children. We might feel like this makes us look weak. The opposite. It makes us vulnerable and strong in the right way to our wives and our children. Your emotional equity will supersede your greatest expectations with them. Love will grow.     #crushit

 

Purpose. Identity. Sonship. Legacy. 

03May/18

Dealing With Regret

“regret: feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a loss or missed opportunity”

Life, simplified, is about opportunities, decisions and consequences. This is the bottom line. There’s no way around it. Life is about navigating. Our lives are large ships on the sea. We guide our ship or  we’re tossed and turned anytime we encounter winds, storms or smooth seas. Maps (opportunities), setting the course (decisions) and consequences (destination). Ultimately, we reach our destination, go off course or ship wreck.  Theres nothing more exhilarating and fulfilling than to reach our destination finishing well, courageous and strong.

Opportunities  and decisions always yield consequences, either by reward or penalty. Reward empowers and penalty stings. So, the question creeping in the shadows is how do I deal with regret’? Even with great finishes we look back over our shoulders and wonder “what if I had only…..”

Regret is a part of our lives, regardless. So, how we deal with regret determines our outlook for the next opportunity, decision and consequence. Regret works for me and you or we work for regret.  Regret can be a cruel task master or a world-class coach and visionary. It all depends on how we handle and utilize regret.

The Pain. Pain is a double-edged sword. It can wound and disable or empower and strengthen. I have a friend named John. He is a decorated Special Forces Operator. John is a force to be reckoned with anytime, anywhere. When you see him walking toward you he literally looks like the Hulk. No exaggeration. There’s a reason for that, he has made pain work for him. He didn’t let pain dictate to him the rest of his course, no!  John used pain to his advantage, and for it, he is a champion in every sense of the word. Regret is painful. Make regret pain work for you.

The Patterns. “Patterns make the man and in like manner, the man makes the patterns.” There are two patterns we have as men when dealing with regret.

  • we are frustrated, stalemated in static tension and rehearsal of “what ifs” and failures
  • we refocus, correct course, choose a new path

Here’s the interesting effect. Regret is also an initiator.  It’s a catalyst. Catalysts precipitate change. Either way, a path is chosen. Take the high road, the one less traveled. You have in you greatness that is yet to be discovered. Don’t sell yourself short. As you look over your shoulder, there are two things that are behind you, your past and those that follow you…….your children and your wife. Never forget that you are a leader and you will transfer who you are and what you are to those who follow you. Make the wise choice, lead well, lead strong, lead with love.  

The Partners. Know this, you can’t make this journey on your own. Again, choose well. Those people you surround yourself with (aside from your wife and children, first) will determine your success. Look for the battle scared warriors, the ones who have failed forward, yet got up and dusted themselves off and carried on, course corrected. Partner with  the men who with quiet resolve, use wisdom, knowledge, discernment, understanding, insight and discretion in every process of life. Men who capitalize on opportunities, make well calculated decisions and have a track record of success.

Success is not always winning, success is always living a life                                   of recalibration and celebration. 

 Dealing With Regret

  1. Stop the blame game. We are, most of the time our own worst critic and toughest on ourselves. Doubting ourselves for any period of time drains confidence and courage. Take responsibility for the decision. Assess, learn and move forward, course corrected.  As men, we have the distinct responsibility to lead. That means lead ourselves first. #bestrongandcourageous 
  2. Reframe the failure. Stop talking to yourself so much. This is a place to listen to trusted, experienced men who can help us in seeing the total picture and not just one we see from our own perspective. We tend to rehearse. There is a definite difference between rehearsing and reviewing. Rehearsals of failure can strengthen our weaknesses.  Review or mapping, and then continue on the next leg of the journey.
  3. Eyes on the horizon. There are places, people and opportunities that we can not see, experiences and relationships that have yet to encounter only from the place that we are at the present. They all are on the horizon. Don’t miss the horizon because that is where the sun sets and rises, that is the place where the stars and the planets appear helping us navigate. Look out and look up.

 

Purpose. Identity. Sonship. Legacy. 

02May/18

Rear View Mirror 

Learning to drive is one of the first big challenges of becoming a young adult. Drivers education classes and then…..road work. One of the first things the drivers ed. instructor teaches is how to use, check and adjust your mirrors.  Mirrors help us see vehicles approaching from the rear, the mirrors enable safe lane changes and you can see where you’ve come from.

I had the opportunity to drive across country several years ago. I-40 from east coast to west coast. During my journey, I discovered that one of my favorite things to do was to look in the rear views while driving through long stretches of desert. The beauty was so intriguing to me. A different perspective from each mirror, all as wondrous and beautiful as the other.

Quickly, I became a “drifter”. Drifting (not the Fast and Furious kind) happens when distracted eyes wander from the front view looking backwards into the rear view mirrors. The natural tendency when you check your rear view mirrors with and extended looks is to pull left, into oncoming traffic or pull right, off the shoulder. Either way, if no correction is made, trouble awaits. Much of the time, catastrophic circumstances are the consequence.

Overcorrection. Overcorrection happens when you realize that you’re drifting. Sometimes, startled by the noise of your tires on the right side of your vehicle coming into contact with the uneven shoulder, or worse a pot hole that pulls you even further of the paved surface. Maybe even your  passenger’s response to the drift, or lights flashing and horns blowing from the opposing lane of traffic as you drift across the yellow line.

Missing your turn.  Missed turns create delays in the journey. Delays create frustration and tension, the turn around or re-routing.  Its always comforting to hear the GPS message ‘reconfiguring your route’ and thats when you know you’ve officially missed your turn.

Living Forward

  1. What’s behind is past. Looking back is alright in quick, short glances. There is way too much opportunity and future in front of us to navigate and adjust for on our journey.  Perhaps some beautiful views or moments were missed behind us and thats alright. There are many more moments and beautiful views ahead. Besides, what we see in the rear view is only a slight reflection of what really is behind us.
  2. Remember with quick glances. Looking back helps us remember whats behind us. Dwelling on whats behind, extended look pondering glances,  cause “drifting”.  Remember, the good things, learn from the hard lessons and move forward with courageous hope and confidence. Too much future is still ahead, yet to be determined and defined.
  3. Smooth and easy.  Life is full of opportunities to make adjustments and corrections. In fact, if we are living to the fullest, we will become masters of adjustment and correction, second nature. Smooth and easy starts with a quiet soul and a sure hand. Don’t get rattled. Mistakes are opportunities for growing stronger and becoming a more confident man. Quiet souls, steady hands, strong man.
  4. Detours happen. They are a part of life so don’t get all twisted up and bent out of shape. Most of the time, we can find beauty in detours. They are a part of life and they for sure build character.

Purpose. Identity. Sonship. Legacy. 

 

15Mar/18

Fear’s Kryptonite 

When I was a kid, I watched “Superman” shows. There were so many options. Cartoons, movies, and daily episodes available for viewing.  I would watch,  pretend, and dream about being “Superman.” My all-time favorite rendition is “Man of Steel.”  Different slant, different plot, and more in-depth family history, especially about the family’s strengths and weaknesses. All superheros have strengths and weaknesses, even Superman.

Over time, and in all versions of the Superman story, there are hundreds of reasons why Superman was the hero. But his super-human abilities were most certainly the qualities that made him the hero. For these abilities determined his ultimate contribution to the world, the stuff he was born to be, and the things he would do. But, like almost all superheroes, he had one weakness.

Superman’s weakness was Kryptonite. It stole his ability and strength but not his purpose. Weakening his superpower affected his identity. When our weaknesses are amplified and our strengths are dampened, our ultimate contribution in life is paused.  In our case, identity is stolen and purpose is blurred.

Fear is no superhero

Don’t misunderstand. Fear is not a superhero and doesn’t have superpowers. 

One thing is for sure.  Fear would love for you and me to think the exact opposite, that it is a superhero and has superpowers. So much so, that fear shows its most powerful weapon…… Fear’s most powerful tactic is deception with words and thoughts

Deception is the form in which fear appears. Remember, fear is rooted in evil. And evil, in general, is profound wickedness, moral depravity, harmfully destructive disregard for others.  It’s the absence of God’s presence, the opposite of His holy love.    

Fear’s Kryptonite is Faith

Faith is confidence or trust in something or someone. This is where the rub happens. It’s the very place we get thrown off the tracks in every kind of relationship. Those are the relationships of life and love, friends and family. Faith in people and things, opportunities and dreams has disappointed and wrecked relationships of every sort and kind imaginable. Aren’t the most valuable relationship assets love and trust? In fact, there is no way to love without trust. This kind of faith is people faith.

The faith that is fear’s Kryptonite id God-faith. It’s the faith that a person has in God and no other person, place or thing. God-faith is the promise from God (Jehovah, of Abraham, Issac, and Jacob, the Father of Jesus the Messiah) that He will never leave us or forsake us. He will never fail us or cause us to distrust Him. In the very words of God Himself recorded in the Hebrews book section in the Bible. Hebrews 11:1 “Faith (God-faith) is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.”

Fear has no authority or power over anyone who has this powerful God-faith in their lives. This kind of faith shines light in the shadows where fear dwells. So it’s like this, we trust God because He loves us. His best for us is a father-son relationship with Him. Personal, one-on-one. Through faith, by faith. And for sure, He does not want us to be entrapped, terrorized, or hindered by fear. He’s a good Father who loves you and me more than we have the ability to understand, but we can experience in our daily lives.

Fear is rooted in evil and counts on us focusing more on what might be than what really is and doesn’t, in fact, exist. God-faith is faith that shows the reality of what we hope for in a father you can trust and believe in without being hurt and disappointed, knowing it will happen. Fear is counting on what hasn’t happened yet. Faith is believing what we hope for in a father we can trust.

Victory over fear starts with trusting a Father that will never let us down. Knowing that faith removes fear  so we can live in a light that never ends, experiencing abundant full lives. Live fearless. 

#imFearless    #fearvictor    #wewintogether    #fearcrushers   #notaquitter   #fatherseekers

Purpose. Identity. Sonship.

15Feb/18

Confronting Fear

Fear has no favorites 

Fear does not discriminate in any way, form, or fashion. Every person, regardless of his station in life, will face fear and become either a victim or a victor. That’s settled, and there is no inbetween. Where there are victims and victors, there will also be battles. Where there are battles, there will also be declared war by one or both parties. Inevitably, unavoidable.

The declared war is on our souls; our mind, will, emotions and intellect, the most strategic parts of our souls. Fear’s intention to dominate our lives, rob them of not only their abundance but also our futures and destinies as well. So there’s an obvious question then that surfaces like a submarine making an emergency blow from deep below the sea….where does fear come from?

Fear’s plan

It’s a sneaky, lying, stealthy creeper that has the most convincing and crafty deceptions, designed especially for our weaknesses, wonders, hopes, and dreams. For most of us,  it probably is the most experienced adversary we’ve ever faced. A master of the weapons he uses in warfare against us, our family, friends, and circles of influence. But the most powerful weapons in his arsenal are…….words and thoughts.  His whispers slither through our  minds to the most vulnerable weaknesses in our souls. The purpose? For the establishing of strongholds in our lives, for the control of our souls. He steals the most precious to us; kills our original design and purpose; destroys our future and destiny. 

Fear’s Origin

Fear is rooted in evil. Its first appearance in the garden of Eden was as a serpent. The serpent appeared to the first man and woman created, Adam and Eve, the parents of humanity.  (Disagree? Give the benefit of the doubt and follow along.) Evil started the war that day in the garden. War was declared on all of humanity. So it’s official, you’re a combatant, and you’re in the ‘red zone’. Interestingly enough,  the war was started and won right there in that very same moment. The parents of humanity had fallen to fear and one of their sons would become the Wounded Victor. Their Son would crush the serpent’s head. The victorious Son would rise as the Victor for all of humanity, one time, for all humanity. 

Locate and identify 

Soul searching is a developed discipline. The “soul search” requires time, quiet places, and the creation of space to process thoughts, feelings, and experiences. This created space isn’t a hurdle.  It’s the first offensive movement we make against fear. It’s the initial step where we take back what’s been stolen, valuable soul ground, the stuff life is made of and for, what we live out of, and with which we create our destinies.

Hesitation and procrastination won’t win battles or wars. Move forward, warrior.

Make your declaration

  • what are your fears
  • identify them
  • start the list
  • no lone rangers
  • ask for reinforcements

Warriors or victims.  There’s no inbetween. 

#imFearless    #fearvictor    #wewintogether    #fearcrushers   #notaquitter   #fatherseekers

Purpose. Identity. Sonship.

continued………….

29Jan/18

Find Your Fear

Let’s be truthful. Unfiltered, pride removed, verbal clarity, no camouflaging. Agreed? Forward then.

All of us have faced, wrestled, or run from fear at one time or another in our lives. And for most of us, we will do so again before the end of our days. Fear is real and shouldn’t be underestimated, misunderstood or disregarded. But know this, fear can be defeated by the victor, that’s you.

Reality is this.  Fear, in its purest form, is the antagonist in the story of our lives. Fear has only one purpose, to wreck our mind, will, emotions and intellect. To such a degree, that we are stymied in all that we do or could ever become. Fear purposes itself against us to steal, destroy, and kill the very best and most valuable possessions of our lives, which are relationships and abundance in all things good.

Fear is a contaminant that evolves into poison. It will attach to the weakest touch points hidden deep in our souls. It lingers in the thick, dense, dark shadows of our souls, waiting on the opportunity to interrupt and seize our lives.  Fear lives in darkness where there is the absence of light. Because that is where it can remain nameless, empowered by darkness and without identity to the fearful one.  Light exposes darkness permanently and removes all hiding places made only for stalking predators.

Anything without a name can never be eradicated from our lives with lasting finalization.  We have to find our fear and name it.  This is the biggest problem with fear that we all face, its lingering affect in the shadows of our hearts.  Nameless and without identity, contaminating whatever it touches, and robbing what it wills from futures and from destinies.  And most certainly extending darkness into our souls. Find it, name it, and crush its affect in your life.

Many people I have interviewed, surveyed, and had discussions with regarding fear willing to discuss the fear part of their lives.  Some will discuss it openly in a group setting, while others are willing to acknowledge and discuss their fear(s) privately in a one-on-one closed forum.  One thing is clear, people want to unload and move beyond fear, to fearless.

Let’s clear the board at the beginning.  Don’t be embarrassed about facing, wrestling, or running from fear.  It happened.  It’s past, but it’s not welcome anymore in our lives. Any person breathing has had the fear battle, if he or she is truthful about fear.  Be assured that fear is a battle for many.  If not for you personally, for those we love, care about and have relationships important to you.

Giving names to things, especially the secret things in our hearts, has to be done. Naming our fears is the first step to becoming fearless.  Moreover, identifying fear by name carries with it a value that increases quality of life.  Together we journey to the victor’s  circle, side by side to  fearless.

Fear is a bully, and we all know how bullies learn their lesson.

  • they are called out
  • we get the first punch
  • they are taken to the ground
  • their bully will is taken from them
  • they’re warned not to ever return

Will you journey together with me to the other side of fear?

So what’s your Prologue??

#imFearless #fearvictor #wewintogether #fatherseekers

Purpose. Identity. Sonship.

continued………..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

11Jan/18

Prologue

All of us have experienced fear at one time or another in our lives. Fear can paralyze anyone, regardless of his strength, stature, station in life, emotional and psychological stability, or strength of heart.

Fear is a stalker, prowling in the shadows, awaiting its opportunity to seize its victim slowly.  Or, it comes in the form of an obnoxious intimidator, towering over its prey to terrorize and lead the prisoner captive.

The true story is that fear can be conquered, overtaken and imprisoned, and dealt with, once and for all.

What’s the real story behind fear?

Where does fear come from?

How does fear affect your life?

How do you break out of the prison of fear?

What’s the ultimate win over fear?

www.fatherseekers.com 

 

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01Oct/17

Regaining Your Identity –    6 Steps – The Basics

“We know what we are, but not what we may be.” William Shakespeare

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”   Oscar Wilde

“When I discover who I am, I’ll be free.”  Ralph Ellison, Invisible Mani d 4“Capacity increases your space for capabilities.”Beechard Moorefield.

Understanding our identity will either make us extremely strong or extremely weak. Identity makes us who we are and who we will become.  Growing up fatherless creates identity void. It reduces capacity to become a healthy, life producing man.

The identity capacity of a fatherless guy is diminished by default. So, the capabilities of a fatherless guy are affected emotions, characteristics and character beliefs, abilities, traits, roles, behavior and the list goes on.

All the elements of our identities affect every part of our lives whether our families, and in all other relationships we are involved in day to day.  Identity determines our wholeness factor and that makes a difference in every element of our lives.

What’s the process to regaining a healthy identity?

Here’s what we must recognize and acknowledge; voids created by fatherlessness exists partially because we have no reference point-no example of father or dad to imitate and then innovate in our own lives with our families. And of course there is no father-mentoring relationship imparted by having a dad involved in our lives as boys that had the desire and capabilities to love, lead and develop us as men. These are the responsibilities of a good father.

Every great leader has had a mentor or coach the invested and transferred the jump start to be a leader. Great leaders are always looking to develop other leaders. So searching out an experienced father to help you develop a reference point for being a good father is a  start. If we don’t have a starting point / reference point, then chances are we will never beign the FatherSeekers journey. That equals struggle and disappointment and failure. No start means no journey.

So it’s very important to consider finding a mentor. A father-dad mentor-coach. Most of us have a difficult time asking for help. It means we are confirming that we have deficits in leading as a father, dad and husband. We all need a coach when we don’t understand how to play the game. It’s alright to have mixed emotions and reservations but it’s a must do action. Set your mind to it and move forward. In my case, I was just too proud.

Recognizing my weaknesses and failures I got desperate I ask two men at different times who were great successful Father’s and dad’s. At the time of my asking both were unable to participate. That stung a little. I kept going though. Dont give up. You will find someone who is qualified.

Now. Identity. It’s the make or break element in your life as a father/dad for fulfilling your positions as father and dad. Why? Because you transfer identity to your children. Your identity affects the quality and the success of your children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and on to generations that follow. No pressure…. you can do this….its possible……..start the FatherSeekers journey!

6 Steps – The Basics 

  1. Fatherless men have a Father.  Fatherless guys  do have a father. You see, we’ve been adopted by God. Although we did not have an earthly father, we do have a heavenly Father. Lean in to the challenge of believing. (1***) 
  2. I must become a son – sonship. The very first thing fatherlessness steals is sonship. Sonship is the relationship between a father and a son. To be able to understand “Father” you must first be a son. Learning relationship is a life long journey. Begin today.     (2***)
  3. Fellowship creates relationship. Fatherless guys struggle with being a son. Matter of fact, we desire the upside of having a father and then push against the responsibilities of the relationship. The reason for the push back-we’ve never experienced a legitimate loving relationship with their dad.    (3***)
  4. Relationship fills the father-hunger- void. Simply, father hunger is the absence of a father’s love in the life of a son or daughter. This includes the whole life of a son or daughter. Each of us was designed to have a loving relationship with our father. That was God’s original plan.
  5. Obedient sons make the best fathers. A fatherless guys develops an independent-loaner spirit over time.  Usually, they march to their own drum beat regardless of its dysfunction. Changing behavior to follow another’s plan is challenging. It’s habit breaking, its cycle breaking.
  6. Spiritual fathers. A spiritual father is a well qualified, experienced father. Generally, an empty nesters (no kids at home) and especially a wise man. There is something special about these guys, you just want to be around them. They’ve been successful with their own family and have good kids. He’s a dad coach that loves God, he may not be a perfect example, but he’s a living one. Don’t be hesitant about asking for help.         (6***)

1.***Ephesians‬ ‭1:5‬ ‭AMPC‬‬ “For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will [because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]–”

1.***Psalms‬ ‭68:5‬ ‭NET‬‬ “He is a father to the fatherless and an advocate for widows. God rules from his holy palace.

2.***‭‭Galatians‬ ‭4:6‬ ‭AMPC “And because you [really] are [His] sons, God has sent the [Holy] Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, Abba (Daddy)! Father!”

3*** Galatians‬ ‭3:26‬ ‭AMPC‬‬ “For in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God through faith.”

6*** ‭‭‭‭1 Corinthians 4:15 “After all, though you should have ten thousand teachers (guides to direct you) in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the glad tidings (the Gospel).”  

 If you would like a virtual “spiritual father” connect with Beechard Moorefield at https://www.facebook.com/beechard.moorefield 


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04Mar/17

Ever Feel Lost in a Crowd ?

For more than half my life I’ve been a public speaker. I’ve had many wonderful opportunities, speaking to 50 or 60, to upwards of a couple of thousand. Here’s what I’ve learned about me. In front of crowds I tend to be somewhat extroverted. When I’m in the crowd, I’m somewhat introverted.

Over the years my mix has leveled out much better. As we age we become like fine wine. With age comes beauty, with deeper and richer tastes. This only happens with the help of Jesus. One of His great attributes, besides His love, is His ability to recreate what’s broken.

“Temet Nosce” (Latin) “Know Thyself” Socrates.

“Socrates says, as he did in Phaedrus, that ‘people make themselves appear ridiculous when they are trying to know obscure things before they know themselves’. Plato also alluded to the fact that understanding ‘thyself,’ would have a greater yielded factor of understanding the nature of a human being.” (Wikipedia)

Paul the Apostle says it like this. “Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!” ‭2 Corinthians‬ ‭5:17‬ ‭AMPC‬‬

This ingrafting   process was and is still one of the most difficult things I wrestle with today in my life. I know where I’ve come from. But I understand I have an identity in Christ that is one He designed for me and me alone.  Regardless of where I’ve come from and what I’ve experienced, I have a new identity. It’s daily for me.

So crowds. How do you do when you’re in one? Crowds are a mirror of our identity. It’s a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves-how comfortable are you with you? Its identity.

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10Feb/17

Identity Clarity – 7 Markers

Having a healthy identity is the first step to wholeness for a fatherless guy. Seeking clarity of identity and understanding its original source are the most important steps to wholeness. It is the beginning point for building wholeness in a fatherless man.  In his book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen R. Covey lists the third habit as “Put First Things First.” Let’s look at the first thing first – identity

The identity you and I presently possess determines how we see ourselves. All life springs forth from our identity. It’s the place where purpose emerges and confidence grows. 

My belief is that we have a divine Creator, the God of the Bible.  You may have no church history or experience to speak of from your past. And others may have hurtful or unfulfilling church history. Regardless, give a listen please. Our divine identities are not found in people or churches. A person’s identity is found in Jesus Christ.

Here’s the deal. If we have unhealthy identities, we will never, ever reach our divinely designed life’s purpose and potential given to us by our Creator. So the real question is, can we leave our secure comfortable place of unhealthy identity and accept the greatest challenge of our lives? That challenge – to take on the identity in Christ that’s hardwired in our original design and then become what we were designed to be.

Unfortunately, I’ve found that many times in my past I would have rather stayed the way I was, in a messed up  identity with all its pitfalls and restrictions, instead of stepping into and living out my real God-given identity, infused into my original design. I’ve chosen to move forward, stretching, rebuilding habits, making sure my thinking and behavior are kind and compassionate to my family, friends and acquaintances.

Understanding the lack of identity and its affect on our lives helps us to avoid the hindrances and pitfalls in growing strong.  Seeking a strong healthy identity, to be the strong leading family man, is the target.  It is our strength, capacity, and capability to grow and become the best fathers to our children that we can possibly be.

7 Markers

  1. Fatherlessness steals identity.  Our identity is hardwired in us by the Creator-God. Earthly fathers enhance, shape, nurture and impart their identities into the lives of their children. When we are fatherless, our identities are weakened. We have to strengthen and retake our identities.
  2. Absence of true identity creates a vacuum. Identity asks, “Who am I?  What am I? Why am I?  What do I do?”  Without a basic understanding of these elements we fatherless guys wonder, and then wander, and then we are stalemated.  These elements fill primary space in our lives. When space goes unfilled, we seek out things to fill the identity void.  Soul vacuum takes over.
  3. Identity void creates zombies, pretenders, or copy cats.  a) Zombies.  Empty, motionless, souls – dead souls – wandering through daily life, mostly just hanging on, not feeling any hope or life.  b) Pretenders.  Absence of identity brings frustration and pain, adding stress to have a semblance of identity.  So pretending  to be something that we are not becomes who we are – fake identity.  c) Copy Cats.  This identity seeker finds a favorable identity to adopt, but it is not his own.
  4. Identity in any form is transferable to children.  Transference is as real as gravity.  My identity characteristics, both negative and positive, transfer to my children.  Likewise, my weakness of identity (fatherless effect) also transfers easily. An insecure,  wobbly, unstable heart confuses a child’s identity and transfers the fatherless effect to them.
  5. Don’t infect your kids with your weakened identity.  You can move beyond fatherlessness. It’s possible and attainable.  You can grow strong and lead your children and family to be the greatest in all their pursuits.
  6. Don’t fight against what is true and real. Father hunger is hardwired in all of us by our Creator – the God of the Bible. That hunger is innate in us so we will always have it to address properly.  Helpful grace and kindness are available.  God promises to be a “Father to the fatherless.”  Take advantage of that promise.
  7. It’s all right to feel hesitant, but keep moving forward.  Moving against hesitancy strengthens our emotional fortitude and our resolve to continue moving forward.  Hesitancy is a minor obstacle.  Then we have clarity on understanding who we are, what healthy identity is, and most importantly, what our life’s mission is destined to be.  The great reward?  Identities change for the better for generations.

Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least. Goeth

 

17Jan/17

Find Your Purpose Pt. 2

Develop -to bring out the capabilities or possibilities of; bring to a more advanced or effective state; to elaborate or expand in detail.
This is the second blog of 2.  Finding Your Purpose. Its a life long process of growing and developing. It won’t be a short lived process. Here’s why-it’s an evolving, living breathing element of our core being. So, its a life long process. Developing your purpose It’s game time!
Development is an inseparable part of every part of our lives. We have to be developers in our own lives, the lives of our families and especially of our purpose. Purpose determines the content and quality of our lives and all those we have influence over. Purpose is the brother to influence.
My leadership coach is Duke Matlock*. In his new book Get Up & Grow – 21 Habits of Successful People says “Success mentors are vital. While you can learn and incredible amount from your colleagues and leaders,  its important to also find an impartial voice.”
Never be afraid of seeking ideas and insights from developers. Some of us see close up (details) and some of us see universally (the big picture).Neither is good or bad-right or wrong. That’s who we are and that’s the way we’re made-its the way we are wired. Having an “impartial voice” to help us fine tune with laser precision  our  purpose and its execution in our “world”.
6 Ways To Develop Your Purpose
  1. Grow. Remember learning to ride a bike? Training wheels for a while and then they came off. We wobbled and wrecked for a while and then one day no wobbles. Our balance soon became steady and our confidence grew. Our bike riding muscles became stronger and stronger. Then we try new things on our bikes and we GROW! That’s how we grow our purpose-we exercise in our lives and the lives of those we influence.
  2. Feed Them Both. Nothing grows without nutrition. First we need to feed our souls. Soul feeding is not difficult. It takes discipline and consistency. Out of our soul comes purpose. Then we have to feed our purpose. Quiet time or meditation allows our soul to settle and wash away the noise of life. Forming  a solid strategy takes time, effort and concentration. Don’t be tempted to work on the “fly”.
  3. Water Your Crops. We have to include spiritual enrichment in our lives. If this is undeveloped area in your life, seek out a spiritual mentor. Someone who will tell you like it is-someone who will challenge you. I have in person spiritual mentors and virtual mentors however, the in person mentor is a must have. Another way to water or spiritually enrich yourself is to find things that feed your soul. I include practices of my faith. Listening to music, talks by other leaders, reading history, devotional studies. There are lots of ways to enrich yourself. Find what works for you and do it. Remember, these things are transferable to your children. You’re pioneering here.
  4. Seek wisdom.  Don’t be afraid or embarrassed to seek wisdom from men who are more experienced at being a good father. We all learn by listening to others whether we are reading, listening to a speaker or just talking with friends. Remember that great fathers learned their skills from other men who were willing to transfer what they to learned from another, It will be your time to pay it forward someday. Learn everything you are able to learn.
  5. Don’t be afraid to reroute. Our directions shift on occasion. Its alright. Purpose is not a rigid element. Its flexible and pliable-it shifts and adapts-it evolves and grows as it matures. The scope of purpose will always be growing and expanding so rerouting will become a natural part of its growth patterns.
  6. Pray. One of the greatest ways to deepen and broaden your life is to pray. Prayer is simply talking to God. When we talk to God we are developing a relationship with Him. Just talk an then  listen. I found the more that I listen and create space to listen the more I hear God speak to me. He is the GREATEST Father ever! He has lots he wants to transfer over to you.
11Jan/17

Find Your Purpose Pt. 1

What is Purpose ? Purpose – the reason for which something [someone] exists or is done, made, used, etc.”  Its why you exists. Its what you do, how and why you do it. Purpose is one of the ways we get fulfillment, joy and satisfaction in your life.  

Absence of purpose in  fatherless men and boys will create an avalanche of confusion and frustration. Lack of purpose shuts a guy down and robs him  of destiny, future and hope. The longer a man lives without clearly defined purpose the more entangled  and confusing his life becomes. And for boys the difficulties are compounded.

Having no purpose in our lives makes us wanders – vagabonds in all sorts of ways and in all aspects of our lives. From vocation, college majors, family, where we live, raising children and on and on. You name it our whole  lives are affected by lack of purpose.  

Lack of purpose creates weaknesses in our soul. It manifest as an unhealthy thirsty soul. This is where the vagabond success journeys begin.

My unhealthy journey was ladder climbing-seeking success self-serving  greedy success. My redefinition of purpose was twisted up with the “success search.” I justified it by my “sacrificial giving for the cause-ministry (more about that later). [Ministry is not a bad thing.] I shrouded myself with the  success concept in “wanting to do better and make more money so I could take care of my family.”

The interesting thing about purpose is that it gives us part of our identity and exists at the core of who we are, its part of what drives us. The opposite is true. No clear understanding of purpose stalls and frustrates our lives. Draining, disappointing, disrupting and worst of all, discouragement becomes the big interrupter in our lives.

5 Steps To Finding Your Purpose

  1. Divine design. You have a divine design. With divine design comes divine purpose. Believe it or not, you are designed  with a clear definite purpose. My belief is that we all are designed by God with purpose and destiny placed in our very core. A part of that purpose is to be a father. That assignment has duties and responsibilities-to raise strong, healthy  well equipped for life children. This is our life’s treasure-our children.
  2. Success Emerges from Purpose. Success can be illusive. Especially when we don’t understand what purpose really is.  We have to go to the source of divine purpose-Jesus Christ*. There are no short cuts to living a purpose filled life. Purpose is not searched out. Its understood and acted upon. The real secret to living out our purpose effectively is to understand and act upon our purpose.
  3. Deep and Wide. Our purpose expands and grows with time and its expression through our daily lives and in the lives of those around us. It involves more and more people as it matures and grows. Purpose is also infectious-we influence others and their life’s purpose. Purpose grows deep and wide as it expands through the lives of others.
  4. Its transferable. Once we understand purpose, we can transfer the principle’s and ideals as seeds to our children. As we transfer, we become farmers. We sow and gather purpose seeds and sow and gather purpose seeds. One day, we get the harvest we hoped for- well equipped for life kids who become fantastic adults.
  5. Its contagious. Your purpose will empower others to participate with you. Then something magnificent happens. If they are still on their search then you will encourage them to do the same. If they haven’t started their purpose journey yet then you will motivate them to get started. Its influence.

 

Jesus Christ*- All of us have different stories, memories and experiences in our religious history . The Jesus I speak of is a loving, accepting, merciful and graceful Savior. He is the best source loving wisdom we will ever have in our lives.

 

 

29Sep/16

Hide and Seek

As kids, we all probably played hide and seek.  I was never very good at seeking, but I was extremely good at hiding.  Here’s how we played.  Our group of ruffians would determine who was “it,” and “it” would count to a random number chosen by the players.  Then everyone would scurry away to their hiding places.  Next, “it” would hustle to find the first victim and try to tag him before he returned to base.  You get the picture.

There are not a lot of things I claim to know for sure, without any shadow of doubt.  I would like to share two of them with you now.

Hiding from the truth goes on perpetually, with no end result.

  • You’re fatherless with an unreal concept of who you were created to become.

You’re hiding from the unknown, what you don’t know, what might or might not happen.  But the most terrible of all unknowns is this.  To reverse the curse of fatherlessness in you and me means we will have to be emotional and spiritually vulnerable. 

Seeking the wrong stuff leads further away from the truth.

  • The truth is you have a distinct destiny – sonship.

Sonship means simply this-you’re a son of a loving, caring father who has all your best interests in mind for your future and destiny. So, you’re seeking something, someone, some fantastic job, some marvelous geographical location, some imaginative creative quest.  You’re seeking something that lies just beyond your reach.  The sad part of this and the truth is that you and I will never, ever find that something to fill the father void. 

Bunkered in.

The safest not-so-good place I’ve found in my journey was my bunker. I say was…  I continually battle retreat into my bastion of personal hiding place and protection. The beauty of the bunker is I control the atmosphere, who enters, and what, if anything I want to face.  Unfortunately (and fortunately), bunkers are glorified tombs.  You can either stay in your tomb and redecorate/add air fresheners, or you can move out.

Face ups.

1. Face the music.  You didn’t cause your plight, but you’re a victim of it – fatherlessness. You’re not responsible for the circumstances that have affected you, your destiny, and your legacy. But you have to deal.  One of my buddies once asked me, “Bro, when are you gonna step up and face the music!?”  Hey Friend, it’s time to dance!!

2. No more bunkers, champ.  You may not feel like a champ. Maybe, probably, nobody has ever called you “champ.”  It’s identity, pal.  It’s your time to reboot your thinking about yourself, and who you were designed to become.

3. You need a makeover.  You (and I) need an identity makeover. It’s par for the course that you’ve never been challenged to think differently of yourself. You’re reading this because you’re a dad or soon will be.  Who you believe and understand yourself to be is translated into the lives of your children. Believe me friend when I say this, and let me be clear.  You do not want your kids to observe the art of being a tomb (bunker) dweller, especially in your children’s pre-teen and teenage years.  Nightmare.

4. True and complete identity originates in Jesus Christ.  I am not a church dude.  I’m not religious (I pray so), and I don’t call myself “Christian.”  All of these tags can mean so many things to so many people.  I am, to be sure, a close follower of Jesus, a disciple of Jesus.  So this is not about Christian, church, or religion. It’s about true identity and its origination point.  His love has done far more for me than any religion could ever do.

No more hiding.  Only seeking

09Sep/16

Broken Boys = Broken Men

It’s an unfortunate thing to be a fatherless kid.  Beyond the outset of having father-void, you also have a secondary frailty that’s almost as devastating as the first.  No reference point for the how to, what for, and why.  Reference points, or what I liked to call “monument moments,”  are crucial to the healthy emergence of boy to man.  Healthy dads received apprenticing in these path markers from their (healthy) fathers. Disciplines like loving their mother, spending time with their kids, money management, how to shave, how to relate to other men, how to dress, how to treat women, how much to work and not work, why and how we pursue our faith as men and families (and so many more).

Broken Boys = Broken Men.  The magnanimously sad and dysfunctional thing is that fatherlessness is passed down to the next generation regardless of the fatherless dad’s desires, or his attempts and his giving an-all out effort and wanting to be a cycle-breaker.  Even the most well-intentioned, good-willed dad who grew up fatherless and wants to be a great dad is still infected with fatherlessness. He’s still broken.  “A guy doesn’t  know what he doesn’t know.”

So what’s the answer to knowing what you don’t know about being a good dad who leaves a healthy, whole legacy for his sons and his daughters?

my-three-sons

Ben, David, and Luke

In many ways I’m that guy, the broken boy-broken man guy.  You see, I’m still finding out and learning to adapt to some of those things I didn’t learn as a boy but should have, from my own father. I’m a father of three fantastic sons who are incredible kids in spite of my father-frailties. God’s example of fatherhood (which I’m learning more about daily) has simply been overwhelming to me but it’s what has saved me as a dad.

Now, before I share with you a few of the “monument moments” I’ve had as a fatherless father you must know one very important thing:

It’s never too late to be a cyclebreaker in your family and for your children.

There is so much responsibility in being a cycle-breaker.. But listen, YOU CAN DO IT!!  If I can be a cycle-breaker, anyone can.

8 Ways To Heal The Broken Boy

  1. You can’t be a father until you’ve been a son.  I didn’t learn this until later on in my journey.  A boy must be led by a healthy father. It’s the natural order of manhood. Boy apprenticed by healthy father, then boy becomes man, then man becomes father. Side note: I fought against this for sometime in my journey, and I regret it. Don’t make my mistake.
  2. Find a healthy father who will apprentice you. This is the next, most imperative step.  I call these great men Double Duty Dads.  They are out there near you. Find them. This will require some degree of humility. For me, a lot. Find a man of faith – a guy that follows, loves, and is a disciple of Jesus. (This doesn’t mean just any church goer or a religious person.  It means a disciple of Jesus.) 
  3. Live intentionally as a cycle-breaker.  It’s all right initially to feel a little intimidation and hesitation.  In the early stages, that’s normal. But these feelings will wear off as you continue your journey as a cycle-breaker.
  4.  You can only lead your family as far as you yourself have gone first.  It’s a journey. You’re a pioneer. Be bold and tenacious. Remember how you grew up fatherless and what that did to you?  Okay. You don’t want to pass that on to your children and their children. You’re the one to break the cycle!
  5. Develop disciplines in your life.  Whatever your disciplines are or are not spill over onto your family. Disciplines eventually become monument moments, so build them into your daily routine, and be faithful.
  6. Great fathers are built over a lifetime. Build yourself and become a father one day at a time.  Make the most of every moment. Plan and strategize for the next 50 years. It happens moment by moment and continues, even after your kids are adults themselves.
  7. Learn the rudiments of fatherhood. Protector. Provider. Spiritual guide. Leader. Celebrator. Trainer. Teacher.
  8. Learn to rest. Rest is an amazing art. It’s not slothfulness or laziness.  It is the place where dreams, insight, and peace come from. There is also a great deal of personal joy that comes from rest.

Hope and wholeness is available to YOU.

PURPOSE * IDENTITY * SONSHIP